My oh my. A month into the new year and I'm already drawing the ire of some nice folks in the blogosphere. And it all centers around this letter I wrote to Kathy Shaidle.
Yes, I know Kathy's reply to me was written on January 10. Yes, I know my reply to her is more than three weeks later. I don't care. The wheels here at Lectures grind slowly, my friends, but they do grind exceedingly fine. Kathy's response weighs in at 306 words, or approximately 30 words/day between posts; my reply is almost six times hers and approximately 70 words/day, so you see I've been working about twice as hard. And I swear a hell of a lot more, too.
Kathy was kind enough to respond in a manner most befitting a respected writer: she asked me what the fuck I meant before calling me a dickhead. Apparently, though, she didn't actually have the stones to write the word fuck on her blog -- thankfully, I have enough to write it twice. She also didn't have the stones to send me her e-mail, although I certainly did send her mine -- which I'm sure she found in her mac.com e-mail account.
Why Kathy decided to pick a fight with me is up for debate. It's not because I dissented against her opinion -- there was at least one other person days before. I don't think she felt threatened by the five people who regularly read my blog -- two of them choose to constantly disagree with me on principle anyway, and regardless, I'm fairly certain they all went off and read the Dallas Morning News story I linked to. (The original article is no longer on the Dallas Morning News site, but it can still be found here.) I also don't think it was because I sent "hate mail" -- just as there were no weapons found in Iraq, so too there will be no "fuck" or "dickhead" found in my original post. I had thought someone with five years of copywriting experience would pick that out in an instant.
I think the reason Kathy decided to take me on is because I looked like an easy target. Truthfully, her blog does beat the living piss out of mine, and I haven't been published in anything since high school. She also points out, with great enthusiasm, that she was shortlisted for the Governor General's Award for poetry in 1998, but didn't win. I also haven't won the Governor General's Award, which should put us on the same level of mediocrity -- except that I also haven't won a Pulitzer or the Nobel Prize for Literature! In your face, baby!
Kathy does not even try to rebut my arguments, but instead leans heavily on the appeal to authority fallacy: as my poetry is soooooooo wicked awesome, your opinions, regardless of what they are, must be wrong. And her poetry is actually pretty good; but still, swearing at me and not following up makes her look like one of those crusty, old women yelling at kids when an errant Frisbee is thrown into her yard: so full of empty rage, it's difficult to believe it's me you're angry with. At least The Meatriarchy gave my letter the old one-two, but, again, didn't really go the distance. Although they've taken some hits, with a good cut man I think my arguments can make it one more round:
- There's a Gulf Between Us: Yes, Saddam Hussein did defy the UN -- but let's not get off-topic! My claim was that Bush defied the wishes of the UN Security Council; finger pointing and cries of "But he started it!" are not adequate justification for these types of actions.
During the first Gulf War, the Security Council passed three resolutions regarding the invasion of Kuwait, including one authorizing all means necessary to enforce a withdrawal of Iraqi troops. Bush Senior then lead a coalition force on a wholly defensive mission to stop Iraq from invading Saudi Arabia, though there was no evidence suggesting that Iraq had designs on anything other than Kuwait. It was after all this that the US Congress authorized the used of force to drive Iraq out of Kuwait. Bush Junior, on the other hand, had no resolution from the Security Council and went on a wholly offensive mission specifically to overthrow Hussain. I think the differences in these two situations are clear enough and there's no need for me to spell things out further.
- C'mon, Turn the Other Cheek: Bush doesn't feign a friendship. It's good to hear that he's genuine in his feelings, but there is a certain amount of politicking that comes with the job of, y'know, politician. We're not asking Americans to learn all our Prime ministers or the order our provinces entered confederation. We're not even asking them to stop laughing at the colour of our money or to respect our hockey teams -- but we would appreciate being thrown a bone every now and then.
Maybe Chretien was concerned that Bush would implement huge tax cuts for the rich, run up the deficit, and start a war through false accusations. And if Canada has done so much America baiting over the years, as you suggest, why is Bush is the only one to take offense to it? There were 42 other presidents that could have spoken up just as easily, but maybe they weren't spoiled, grudge bearing babies who rode to power on daddy's money. (With the exception of John Q. Adams, who was likely at least one of the three.)
- It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Cow: We're both aware that the mad cow outbreak was an isolated case and that closing the borders to Canadian beef was an overreaction -- Canadians have been eating beef in huge quantities since the border closures and have been going mad for the taste, not because of BSE. And it's the cattle industry in general, and not Canadians in particular, that's irresponsible with its feed, so stop stabbing that finger in the air before it gets cut off and ground up into cow chow.
- NAFTA, SHMAFTA: Just because I have my doubts about NAFTA doesn't mean I'm against the reduction of trade barriers; we both know that trade barriers are the least contentious issues behind the free trade agreement, and that reducing trade friction is beneficial to everyone. Regardless, there were few existing trade barriers when treaties like NAFTA and CUFTA were put into effect in the first place, and the main focus of these treaties are not free trade, but shackling governments and granting special privileges to corporations. These are the issues lefties like me object to.
- 25 Million People Can't Be Wrong: When I say "a lot of [people] hate George Bush", I mean a lot -- not all. I'll concede that there's one person who loves Bush for each person who hates him; hell, I'll give you three to one and six who don't care either way. But with roughly 250 million people in North America, even a tenth of that is a lot of people.
Invite them over to your place for a barbecue this summer and you'll have a better feel for what I'm talking about.
- Make a Run for the Border: No sir, we don't buy 80% of the US's exports. In fact, according to the Department of Foreign Affairs, Canada only buys about 19% of American goods and services, whereas the US buys a whopping 16.5% of Canadian goods -- only 63.5% lower than your apparently well researched estimate. This cross border trade amounts to $188 billion per year, or about $1.2 billion per day. That's a lot of money. I mean, it's not a trillion dollar deficit or anything, but it's still a lot.
Kathy, I'm glad you and whoever it is at The Meatriarchy -- Tony, or something -- have found someone -- however misguided -- that inspires you. I'm glad you can find a shred of justification in this crazy war that doesn't make you want to pick your brain out of your ear with a shrimp fork; maybe it's ossified to the point where you need something sharper, like a dental pick, I don't know. I don't understand your attitude, and I probably never will -- but calling me a dickhead and an asshat and then whining about sharing Canada with me are poor justifications for your opinions, although it does seem
typical of your rhetorical style.
Allow me to provide you with an interesting mnemonic to remind you of our positions:
Left and Right must disagree/always, by necessity. Cute, eh? I just made that up. So, as we stand squarely on opposite sides of
the fence, I suggest you use your energy
not to add more posts in your blog about this left-wing fucker (or f***er, as you're fond of writing) who just won't give it a rest, but instead to propel yourself forward to new adventures, and, more importantly, new geographic locations! Go! Be free! Throw off the oppressive yoke of Canadian society! I would be delighted if you no longer had to share Canada with the rest of us asshats.
All the best to you and Tony!
