News You Can Use

Underwear Vandalized (from page A7)

Regina (CP) -- Regina resident Deron Staffen is the latest in a line of underwear victims.

Staffen woke Monday morning to find the crotch chewed out of a pair of underwear he'd mistakenly left out.

"I was doing some laundry that night, and I guess I missed it when I gathered up the pile. When I got up in the morning, the underwear was wet and had a huge hole in the crotch, like someone had chewed it."

This is the second pair of underwear Staffen has lost under similar circumstances. Unfortunately, he's not the only member of his family touched by tragedy. Sisters Tamara and Heather Harder have had their own underwear fall prey to this senseless crime.

"Heather's had about nine pair chewed up," said Tamara Harder, speaking for her sister. "I've only lost about four pair."

The first incident occurred about 11 weeks ago, and the strange and continuing nature of the crime has the household baffled.

"I can guarantee that none of us are doing it, and there's no one else in the house," Staffen said.

The continual cost of purchasing new underwear is also creating a heavy financial burden. In addition to every day expenses like food, rent, and clothing, the additional underwear purchases are eating into their already limited budget. As their underwear bills rise, less money is available for necessities.

"If we lived anywhere other than Saskatchewan we could try to go commando a couple of days a week," Harder said, "but it's so cold here there's no way we'd try it. I don't know what we're going to do if this continues."

Cal Johnston, Regina's Chief of Police, has confirmed similar reports from around the city, but is not disclosing further information.

"We're pursuing all the leads the investigation is turning up. But at this point we're not willing to make a statement."

Dog Full (from page C3)

Regina (CP) -- Scientists around the world were stunned by the news that a dog is not eating all of its food.

The dog, a German Shepherd-Basset Hound cross named Nicky, has been leaving a substantial amount of kibble in its bowl for several weeks.

"This is extremely odd behaviour for a dog to have," says renowned veterinarian James Harriot.

"As far as veterinary science knows, dogs are always starving. This is why they constantly beg at the table, snuffle around your carpets, or have their noses buried in their bowls -- they're looking for food to stop their endless hunger. It's a silent epidemic, really."

The dog is owned by Regina resident Tamara Harder. Harder, who is experiencing a strange case of vandalism in an unrelated story (see page A7), is just as shocked as scientists.

"We feed him his kibble every morning and every evening, and he used to gobble it all down like he'd never eaten a meal in his life. Now he comes out in the morning, eats a few bites, and goes back to the bedroom. It's like he's not even hungry."

Some sources suggest that the dog's satiety comes from him filling up on other things. Harder vehemently denies the charges.

"There's no way. We give him some snacks -- everyone does that. But we're not feeding him a side of beef every day or anything. He's definitely not getting more food than a dog of his size should."

Veterinary scientists at the University of Saskatchewan are interested in studying the dog. C.S. Rhodes, Dean of Veterinary Medicine, hopes that the findings can help millions of starving dogs worldwide. Australian scientists have also shown an interest, hoping the secret of the dog's reduced appetite will curtail the growing number of baby snatchings.

Harriot, who is struggling to put together Puppy Chow, a musical benefit for starving dogs, feels the finding will hurt his promotional efforts. "I've already had cancellations from Poi Dog Pondering and Snoop Dogg. Thank God Three Dog Night and the Baja Men are still confirmed."

The dog, when asked, refused to comment.