A Slow Day at the Loogie Store
Me: Stop spitting!
Tamara: I wasn't spitting.
Me: Oh. Then start spitting!
Tamara: Start spitting? You just told me to stop!
Me: Well, now I'm telling you to start.
Tamara: Make up your mind!
Me: Want to have a loogie-horking contest?
Tamara: No.
Me: Is it horking or hocking? Do you hock loogies?
Tamara: Isn't hocking something like selling it?
Me: You're going to hock your loogies?
Tamara: I might.
Me: Are you so poor you need to hock loogies?
Tamara: I'll sell if I can find someone stupid enough to buy my loogies.
Me: All right, we'll hang a sign out for you immediately.*
Me: Now we play the waiting game.**
Tamara: You're wonderful.
Me: I hope you enjoy your new loogie-free lifestyle.
* Notice how I intentionally added an apostrophe to draw in the proletariat. Also, notice how I unintentionally screwed up on the dollar sign.
** The waiting game sucked. Instead, we played Hungry Hungry Hippos.
Addendum!
A big thanks to the Incredible Schmutzie for setting me straight: when a loogie leaves your body, you're hocking it. When you're in the process of creating a loogie, you're horking one up.
See, I'd know this if I hung around with more seven-year-olds.
4 comments:
I'm always there to help.
I will take five loogies for four dollars. That's right, I drive one hard bargain.
Two points, if I may:
- You may be interested to know that there is actually a survey for people who hawk and spit loogies: http://www.misterpoll.com/3243524213.html
- You might ask your cats to start contributing to the household by selling "Hawk'd Hairballzzz" to all the kool kidz alongside Tamara's Hawked Loogies. Buy four loogies, get one hairball. How could people the likes of Palinode resist this bargain? It's time those lazy cats of yours started workin' for a livin' anyway.
Might be interested. Sorry. Better correct that seeing I am talking to the grammar God.
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