If I Had a Hammer....

I've got a secret. I've been trying to get MC Hammer to come live in my basement.

It all started innocently enough, with one lonely blog comment posted completely in earnest:
Post #1 - The Original Post

There were then a couple of other stragglers a few months down the road:
Post #2 - No God
Post #3 - Propel
Post #4 - Basement Living

And then things just started to get ridiculous.
Post #5 - Emmitt
Post #6 - Giving Thanks
Post #7 - Rodeo Christmas
Post #8 - Vishal
Post #9 - Best Documentary
Post #10 - Bill
Post #11 - Text'n
Post #12 - Sidekick
Post #13 - Come Together
Post #14 - Cigar
Post #15 - Milwaukee
Post #16 - Picture
Post #17 - Luxury
Post #18 - White Guys
Post #19 - Mountains
Post #20 - Player Haters
Post #21 - Sundance Lounge

But I can't do this alone -- I need your help! Tell Hammer that I'm a good guy. Let him know that my basement's actually pretty nice. Post a comment saying that my dog won't bite him and I won't steal his socks. Well, I may actually steal his socks. But I swear, any money made from the sale of his socks on eBay will go directly to local charities.

C'mon, folks -- every basement deserves to have a celebrity in it! And my basement deserves to have MC Hammer, not just a charcoal drawing of him I did one night while high on solvents. Help me make 2007 the Year of the Hammer (in my basement)!

Great Trip, Terrible Metaphor. So-So Acronym.

Well, it looks like the Great US Summer Road Trip '07 (GUSSRT) is set in motion, with both Tamara and I batting ideas about like two cats sharing a mouse head. Tamara pulled the head out from under the sofa with a plan to visit friends in Washington, Chicago, and a third place, which I believe she referred to as the mystery place. I pawed the head delicately, suggesting that this circuit was too far to drive. Tamara then swatted the head across the floor with a revised plan to go through Montana and the Black Hills. I feigned disinterest by turning my back and walking a few paces, then suddenly pounced back on the head, doing an amazing half-twist of my body in mid-air: let's make a pilgrimage to the Moose Jaw Brew Pub in Wisconsin. I'm sure I could bring some piece of Moose Jaw memorabilia with me, like my single share of Mac the Moose -- if I can find it. And they're hiring: I may never go home! Or want to!

I know the cat metaphor was a little strained, but I swear to you that's exactly what happened when Guildenstern pulled the mouse head from under the sofa.

Tamara, it looks like the head's in your food bowl. If anyone wants me, I'll be behind the TV licking my arm and rubbing it on my face.

(I may as well mention that I found this link while visiting Jack Pine Press for their book To Kerouac and Back. And I should also plug my good friend Ellen's book Gabrielle and the Man who is Belly-flopped on the World while I'm at it. Jack Pine makes some really neat, short-run stuff.)

Effective Yeti

Thanks to the delightful Matt Balwin over at Defective Yeti, and my delightful girlfriend Tamara over at, ummmm... my house, I guess... I've won a spot in Plugapalooza! Which means the Yeti will be linking to my little hole in the wall on Friday. Which in turn means I need to write stuff. And fast.

So be prepared, frolicking millions, to gaze lustfully upon the seemingly endless backlog of half-finished, half-started, and heretofore half-undreamt-of posts from the Lectures Drafts Archives. And feel free to also thrill in amazement as I deftly navigate the perilous minefield of where to place the apostrophes in that last sentence.

If I'm to believe my own hype, I ought to pass out energy drinks to everyone that reads this.

Giving the Gift of Links

A few belated Christmas gifts. Schmutzie, you were the hardest to shop for.

For BAQ: a whole Flickr set of communist propaganda posters.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bpx/sets/72057594117941491/

For The Palinode: your favourite movie -- La Jetee -- on Google Video.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5354377779883726771

For Zenobia Pommes: The Girl Who Ate Everything (a blog about food).
http://www.roboppy.net/food/

For JCQ: the letters section of 419 Eater (and in particular, the Incredible Shrinking Artwork).
http://www.419eater.com/html/john_boko.htm

For Tamara: American Idol reject Darwin Reedy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecVE7u4DPes

For Schmutzie: An mp3 that resets your brainwaves to wake you up.
http://anabubula.com/node/26